Into the Rabbit Hole
by Necare
Summary: Two fanfiction writers accidentally write themselves into their fic. Wackiness ensues.


1.1 Through the Rabbit Hole  
  
Disclaimer: They are not ours, we regret that they are not ours, they belong to Joss, lucky git, but if they were ours we would lose the PG-13 rating. We also don't own Anne Rice or Red Dwarf, again sadly.  
  
Spoilers: Something Blue and some future episodes.  
  
Summary: a pair of crazed Buffy fans end up living in their fantasy world. SillyFic.  
  
  
  
Tasha: We are gonna write a fic.  
  
Johanna: or attempt to.  
  
Tasha: shut up  
  
Johanna: fine! What is it gonna be about?  
  
Tasha: Spike, 'cause he's my God.  
  
Johanna: gag  
  
Tasha: Fag off! You're just as bad about Angel.  
  
Johanna: yeah well at least I don't try to talk like him, MATE.  
  
Tasha: That's just because I watch too much BBC America, anyway back to the fic?  
  
Spike walks into a bar.  
  
Johanna: I don't think so.  
  
Angel stands over the city of Los Angeles.  
  
Tasha: Well he can be standing on top of the bar Spike is walking into.  
  
Johanna: sighs fine.  
  
Tasha: Can't you tell we're just best mates?  
  
Angel stands on the roof of the bar.  
  
We see Spike walk in.  
  
Tasha: *Sigh!*  
  
Johanna: simply shakes her head  
  
Angel feels the presence of his grand-Childe nearby.  
  
Angel Stakes spike  
  
The end  
  
Tasha: No He DOESN'T!!!!!  
  
2 Angel Stakes spike  
  
Tasha: this is what happens when we give control of the keyboard to the Angel fan, just be glad she's not doing that whole Angel/Kate shipper thing. ::Turns on anarchy in the UK::  
  
Johanna: I just think they would be a good couple. I am an Antichrist.. DAMN SONG!!!  
  
Tasha: It's not my fault she's been programmed to type whatever she hears. I am an anarchist. back to the FIC JOHANNA!  
  
Johanna: snaps out of it ::Growl::  
  
3 Angel goes into the bar and sees Spike sitting at the bar, drinking a Jack Daniels  
  
Tasha: He's always drinking Jack Daniels. Have you noticed that?  
  
Johanna: I read Spike fic very rarely so I couldn't tell you, however I do like Spike /Willow fic!  
  
Tasha: I do too! rather poetically Ultimate evil with the ultimate innocence. at least she was until the last season.  
  
Johanna: Anyway.  
  
Angel takes a seat next to Spike.  
  
Johanna: Oh my G.O.D.  
  
Tasha: God Of Death?  
  
Johanna: well yeah. this isn't turning into a slash is it? I mean we have two cute male characters sitting next to each other in a bar and.  
  
Tasha: NOT THAT KIND OF BAR!!! Sick little wanker.  
  
Johanna: well you never know.  
  
Tasha: Well you know it could be a vampire thing, I mean just look at Louis and Lestat. and Armand!  
  
Johanna: THEY'RE GAY?????  
  
Tasha: I'm surrounded by gits.  
  
Johanna: HEY! I find that offensive. What's a git?  
  
Tasha: I'm not telling. The fic.  
  
Spike turns his head abruptly towards Angel. He immediately regrets it when his vision goes all swimmy and the pink elephant starts yelling at him.  
  
Tasha: Swimmy? What are you, Buffy?  
  
Johanna: Hmmm.  
  
Tasha: Oh no. She's thinking, this is bad. Stop thinking your gonna hurt yourself again.  
  
Johanna: I think I have a good idea!  
  
Tasha: When's the last time you had a good idea?  
  
Johanna: You liked my last fic.  
  
Tasha: The one where Angel came back from Hell as a cat?  
  
Johanna: To the audience it's better then it sounds I swear!  
  
Spike waits until his head stops swimming then speaks to Angel, his sexy British accent is slurred by his attempt to drown his sorrows in the vicious drink.  
  
Johanna: Give me that keyboard!!  
  
Spike waits until his head stops swimming then speaks to Angel, his sexy British accent is slurred by his attempt to drown his sorrows in the vicious drink get drunk.  
  
Johanna: Drama queen!  
  
Tasha: At least put back sexy!  
  
Johanna: NO  
  
Tasha: Tyrant.  
  
Johanna: drama queen walks to piano, starts playing Buffy/Angel theme. Badly  
  
Tasha: if your gonna play it, at least play it well!  
  
Johanna: What do you want me to play?  
  
Tasha: Sex Pistols.  
  
Johanna: Don't know any, settle for minuet? Begins to play  
  
Tasha:: NO ::turns up computer speakers playing Janie's got a gun.:: Sings along loudly  
  
Johanna: SHUT THE F*CK UP!!  
  
Tasha: ::Turns on THE SONG:: I AM AN ANTICHRIST  
  
Johanna: Anarchy for the UK. I mean SHUT UP.  
  
Tasha: rather listen to Johnny Rotten than listen to you screw up the Angel love theme.  
  
Johanna: But it's the BUFFY/Angel love theme  
  
Tasha: Buffy already has several love themes. ::turns on Billy Idol::  
  
Johanna: You got a thing for bleach blonde guys, don't you. Hell, they even look alike!  
  
Tasha: not paying attention ::Singing rebel yell::  
  
Johanna: Hey Tasha, Spike's dying in next week's episode.  
  
Tasha: HUH?? Wait wrong dieing, he needs to bleach his roots anyway.  
  
Johanna: Pulls mock gun and shoots herself  
  
"Hi Grand pappy" Spike says and Angel's eyebrow shoot up in a look of surprise that is so alien to his handsome features.  
  
Tasha: WAIT  
  
"Hi Grand pappy" Spike says and Angel's eyebrow shoot up his caveman brow in a look of surprise that is so alien to his handsome features. wanker face.  
  
Johanna: Cave man brow? Ok so it's pretty distinctive. but it's a good thing!  
  
Tasha: He looks like a Neanderthal.  
  
Johanna: I resent that  
  
Tasha: Soul boy.  
  
Johanna: Soul boy? At least Angel's not with that WHORE.  
  
Tasha: yeah the one he went out with for one hundred years before Spike.  
  
Johanna: You're not good with your history, Dru and Spike aren't that far apart and he wasn't with Dru he was with Darl.  
  
Tasha: and she was a professional!  
  
Johanna: I don't know what it means but. GIT!  
  
Tasha: Well ANGLE was so ashamed of his heritage he fakes an American Accent. shudders, like this is the worst crime you could commit  
  
Johanna: angle, ANGLE, what kind of a name is SPIKE??  
  
Tasha: A name that strikes a lot more fear then ANGEL!!  
  
Johanna: growls my Angel has a hundred years on your Spike and Spike wouldn't exist without him!  
  
Tasha: need I bring up the RATS in New York?  
  
Johanna: need I bring up POETRY 101?  
  
Tasha: Angel was SO much better in advanced DRINKING AND WHORING!  
  
Johanna: Well at least Angel can CHASE THE OTHER PUPPIES.  
  
Tasha: YEAH, BUT HE DOESN'T, THAT BROODING LOUIS WANNABE!  
  
Johanna: remind me to kill Anne Rice so you can stop bring her into these conversations.  
  
Tasha: Don't people get more famous after they die?  
  
Johanna: True, just look at Spike and Angel!  
  
Tasha: Wait, weren't we fighting a minute ago?  
  
Johanna: uh I think so.  
  
Tasha: What were we fighting about?  
  
Johanna: Can't remember. memory erase thingy.  
  
Tasha: So. you're a robot now?  
  
Johanna: Yes! NO!  
  
Tasha: Want me to cut off your head and see if you die?  
  
Johanna: Story?  
  
"Spike, you're drunk."  
  
"Hey, I bet I can stick this quarter to my head for ten minutes"  
  
Tasha: hey I can do that! Searches pockets for a quarter I have a Sacagawea gold coin, will that count? .Hey you ever heard of the stupid test ?  
  
"You ever heard of the stupid test?" He sticks the quarter to Spike's forehead, "The more times you can hit your self in the head with out it falling off, the more intelligent you are." He pulls away his hand, taking the quarter with him. Spike starts whacking himself in the head oblivious to the fact that the quarter is in Angel's pocket.  
  
Tasha: HEY!  
  
"You ever heard of the stupid test?" He sticks the quarter to Spikes Angel's forehead, "The more times you can hit your self in the head with out it falling off, the more intelligent you are." He pulls away his hand, taking the quarter with him. Spike Angel starts whacking himself in the head oblivious to the fact that the quarter is in Angels Spike's pocket.  
  
Johanna: HEY  
  
"You ever heard of the stupid test?" she sticks the quarter to Spikes Angels Tasha's forehead, "The more times you can hit your self in the head with out it falling off the more intelligent you are." she pulls away his hand, taking the quarter with her. Spike Angel Tasha starts whacking herself in the head oblivious to the fact that the quarter is in Angels Spike's Johanna's pocket.  
  
Tasha: Excuse me I invente. WOOOOHHH!! OK I DIDN'T INVENT IT! I STOLE IT FROM RED DWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRFFFFF  
  
Tasha finds herself seated in a bar next to two familiar vampires.  
  
"Thanks a lot Johanna! You sucked me into the fic!"  
  
A voice comes from behind her "yeah Tasha, I sort of noticed. But do you realize where we are? This is every Buffy fans' dream!"  
  
Angel's brow scrunches "You know Buffy?"  
  
Tasha begins babbling "Oh yeah, the whole slayer thing is rough, but I liked that whole she slept with you and you went evil, cause I liked you a lot more evil though the sucked into hell thing must have been pretty bad, though oooff." Johanna artfully elbows her in the stomach.  
  
"GIT!"  
  
"You don't even know what 'git' means" Spike turns around drunkenly.  
  
"I do, it means." Tasha covers his mouth quickly.  
  
"And don't even think about biting!"  
  
Angel arches an eyebrow which is kinda hard because of his massive forehead .kinda like how it's hard for Spike to suck in his cheeks.  
  
"uhhh.Do we know you?" he asks.  
  
Johanna seems to realize who's standing next to her.  
  
"Angel, Oh my Shinigami!"  
  
Angel looks confused.  
  
"He doesn't know what that."  
  
"'The God of Death?'"  
  
".means. Hey!! I didn't know what that meant until I started hanging out with you!!"  
  
"Wells he's two hundred plus."  
  
"And he's been to Japan"  
  
"China, during the Boxer Rebellion!" Johanna corrects.  
  
"Oh yeah when Spike killed that slayer. What were the boxers rebelling against anyway?"  
  
Angel turns to Johanna." Is she always that stupid?"  
  
Johanna looks at Tasha, who is attempting to get a drink without an ID, "She's not stupid, she's British."  
  
Spike and Tasha turn to Johanna "HEY!"  
  
Tasha puts an arm casually around Angel "As opposed to being drunk, hey Ireland?" She turns to Johanna "And you, well I don't know any Taiwan jokes, but as soon as I do, you get it." Angel shrugs off her arm.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Oh how rude of us!" Tasha is still chatting up with Spike over her newly received drink. "That's Tasha, My humble servant, I'm Johanna, The Goddess of Death." Tasha turns around, annoyed.  
  
"No I'm not! No your not!" Turns to Angel, "She's not."  
  
"Tasha are you drunk?"  
  
"Not yet, working on it."  
  
"Well I am The Goddess of Death I can read his mind!"  
  
"Yeah, he thinks you're an idiot." Spike cracks up, uncontrollably "He thinks I'm funny! You think I got a chance with him ?"  
  
"Your Name was originally Liam you were twenty two when you were turned."  
  
"I know that too! I also know he does a mean Barry Manilow."  
  
"SHUT UP, You roamed over Europe, turned Dru, who was babbling about a snake in a woodshed, who turned Spike."  
  
Tasha stood, shakily," earned the nickname the sponge of Europe."  
  
"The SCOURGE of Europe!"  
  
"Yah, well I know what happened to his Father's silver." Angel starts looking around nervously. Spike looks up.  
  
"Did I miss something?" Tasha goes over and starts whispering in his ear, he cracks up again, and falls off his barstool.  
  
"Shut UP Tasha. I know everything, Quiz me!"  
  
"Ok what kind of ring did I give to Buffy."  
  
"On the docks? EASY! A Claudaugh ring! Like this!" Holds up her left hand to reveal a small Claudaugh ring. "It was her birthday and you were going to leave with the arm of the judge." Johanna says.  
  
"It was also the day Oz found out about vampires, he took it rather coolly." Tasha added. "Ask me one!"  
  
"Well. How did Spike get a scar on his face?"  
  
"Easy, that slayer during the boxer rebellion did it with a little sword."  
  
"Um. um."  
  
"There's something I always wanted to know!" Spike garbles from the floor, "Does Buffy have a thing for me?"  
  
Angel's brows shoot up. Johanna rests her forehead in her palm. Tasha turns to Angel.  
  
"You know, your face could stick like that!"  
  
"You Drunk?"  
  
"Don't rush me!"  
  
"Well does she?" Spike whines  
  
"Kinda" Tasha says  
  
"No" Johanna says simultaneously  
  
Spike squints his eyes, unable to process such a difficult thought through his drunken mind.  
  
"Don't worry Spike, you have two weeks before she finds out and confronts you. Besides you'll always have the memory of Something Blue." Johanna says, referring to spoilers she finds at websites.  
  
"Who?" Spike's head hurts a lot now.  
  
"When you and Buffy were gonna get married and Giles was blind." Tasha answers.  
  
"WHAT?" Angel yells.  
  
"Yeah she really liked me!" Angel looks at Spike and he turns his head to the ground "It was a spell." he mumbles.  
  
"OK, OK I'm not sure I want to hear anymore" Angel mutters  
  
"Nope." Tasha and Johanna say in chorus.  
  
Angel gets up and starts to leave. "You two need a place to stay?"  
  
"The Goddess of Death does not need a place to stay!" Johanna yells indignantly. Angel just looks at her. "Well yeah. we do."  
  
Tasha and Spike start Singing' 'Anarchy in the UK.' LOUDLY.  
  
"Ok Tasha we're going."  
  
"No I'm staying."  
  
"I'm not leaving you with a drunk Spike"  
  
"I want you to leave me with a drunk Spike!"  
  
"Sorry Tasha, you'll thank me in the morning."  
  
"I highly doubt that." Angel broke in.  
  
"Shut up soul boy" Johanna and Tasha say yet again together.  
  
"Alright fine. We can take him with us."  
  
"We can?" Angel asks.  
  
"Whole Hyperion to yourself, I think you have room." Johanna insists. Angel sighs and the whole group heads to the door, Spike and Tasha, start on 'My Way.'  
  
Loudly. 


End file.
